Forgive

A couple of nights ago my husband received a call from an old friend of his. They hadn’t spoken for a while so the earlier part of the conversation was filled with the usual pleasantries and banter. I had sort of tuned out at some point, my attention refocusing on my writing. I have been away from my blog for a couple of weeks as I have been struggling to meet my publisher’s targets for a book I am writing. I did note however that the call had gone on for quite a bit, but that my husband had been largely silent at his end of the conversation. When he finally hung up, the weight of his sigh had me stop and move over to join him on the couch. I listened quietly as he relayed to me what his friend had shared with him. I will confess that anger bubbled inside of me as he spoke. Flesh reacted sis! I found myself wearing a perfect stranger’s shoes and responding in absolute anger on her behalf. Then the spirit moved, and for this I am truly grateful.

Let me start at the beginning. So my husband’s friend was married to some lady so very many years ago. It didn’t work out and the marriage ended on a rather sour note. The lady moved out with the children and eventually left the country with them, asking that he make no attempt to contact them ever again. He has since married again and had several children who are in the university now. Fast forward to the present and he has recently found out that the lady has been dead for a couple of years. Somehow or the other he obtains the number of the older of his daughters and calls her. When she picks the call and asks who it is, he responds that he is her father. There is absolute silence at the other end of the line and she then asks him never to call her line again because he is dead to her. She hung up and didn’t pick his calls thereafter. He calls the next day and a male voice answers the call. He again asks if he can speak to his daughter. He is asked to hold on. There is yelling from a female voice in the background, a long silence and then the call is cut off. The number has since been switched off. My husband’s friend is very upset. He wonders why his daughter is responding to him in this way. But here’s the thing…. She is thirty-eight years old and hasn’t seen or heard from her father since she was ten years old.

I hurt on her behalf sis. I was mad! Where had he been all those years, I wondered? Why was he calling her now? I imagined her also thinking about the fact that he hadn’t called at the point of her mother’s death. I imagined how many times she might have asked herself why her father had never tried to reach her. I know because he said so that he didn’t know she was dead, but how was his daughter to know this? I could imagine her trying to figure what she was supposed to make of his calling her now she was almost forty years of age and a parent herself. How was her younger sister going to handle this? So many things played up in my mind and emotions as I empathized with this young lady. I have known this guy for years and somehow always assumed that he stayed in touch with the girls. My husband tried to speak on behalf of his friend. He said to remember that the lady asked his friend never to contact his children. Somehow that simply incensed me all the more. I reminded him of the fact that the children have been adults for well over a decade now and so that was not a tenable excuse. I also said that if his friend had continued to try to send birthday, Christmas and new year gifts or greetings and to contact his children at those times even while they were in their teenage years – even if not necessarily trying to see them physically but just finding ways to let them know he loved them and they were constantly on his mind; that if he had done all of this it is more likely than not that regardless of what their mother might have said to them when they were younger, they would eventually have themselves started to reach right back out to him years ago.

I thought of the emotional turmoil this woman and her sister would now be going through because of his calls and I hurt for them. I had such a physical ache inside that had me wondering at myself, especially because I do not know those his children at all. I guess I just love my children so much and expect every parent to love their as well, and to love them enough as to go to any lengths to ensure they are a part of their children’s lives. I know there are some extreme cases where this cannot be so, but to my mind this was clearly not one of those.

‘Forgiveness’

The word just dropped quietly in my spirit and I went still because I knew God was speaking. I closed my eyes and listened intently as the Holy Spirit reminded me of the many things the Lord has forgiven you and I for, sis. He reminded me that minus the heart to forgive, the Lord would never have sent His own Son to go through so much pain and humiliation and ultimately die for us on the cross. He reminded me that He has commanded that if we have anything against our brother or sister (or in this case, Father) we need to let go and forgive before we can come fully into His presence. As the Holy Spirit ministered to me, He showed me that in the end if this woman refuses to forgive her father and refuses to give them all a chance to try and forge some kind of relationship with him, she would be shortchanging herself and she would never truly have peace in her spirit for all the remaining days of her life. He reminded me that were my husband’s friend to die without reconciliation with his daughter, she is the one who will live out the rest of her days in regret, wishing and wondering how differently things would have played out if only she had extended a hand of peace to her father when he called. He asked me to join hands with my husband to pray for a move of the Lord in the heart and lives of this man and his estranged children. I sighed, sis! I sighed! Honestly, that was the very last thing I felt like doing but I knew better than to expect any peace until I obeyed, so I did. I shared with my husband what the Lord spoke to me and we held hands and lifted our prayers of intercession up to the Lord, placing the three of them firmly on the mercy seat. I know the Lord heard and I trust that heaven will move.

I had to spend some time examining my relationships to be sure I am not carrying any unforgiveness in my heart sis – either for myself directly based on my own experiences, or on behalf of someone dear to me who someone else might have wronged. I prayed then as I do now for you also sis, that when our flesh rises in hurt/anger and unforgiveness we will still be sensitive enough to the voice of our Lord as to let Him minister forgiveness, grace and mercy through us unto those who we feel have wronged us, so that our prayers will not be hindered when we come into the presence of the Lord. We cannot enter heaven if there is unforgiveness in us sis. That is my reality as much as it is yours. I encourage you today to do a soul search. If there is any unforgiveness in you sis, ask the Lord to help you let it go. He it is Who has promised to take away our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh. Because He has said it therefore, He will not fail to do it when we come to Him in total submission.

The Lord will help you to forgive sis – totally and completely, now and in every situation that demands it. He did ask us to forgive seven times seventy times right? Only in His strength and power can we do this sis. But we must first yield our unforgiveness to Him. He will help you choose to forgive sis. He will help me!

Be blessed sis…. For you surely are!