God's Plan A

It’s been nothing short of an interesting few weeks for my family and I While I would so love to share all the details, you and I know I already don’t do shorts posts so trying to capture the many delays, trials, breakthroughs, and lessons in waiting that I have experienced would be rather stretching, lol.  Suffice it to say that I find myself in Canada with no husband and only three of my four children here with me – a situation that is very far from the plan I assure you. The greatest irony of this situation is probably that of the two children who we were to settle into schools here, one - the one who was due to start school last week, is still stuck back home waiting for his passport to be returned from the embassy. The other, who is here with me, is off to school tomorrow and will neither be able to see his father or older brother (they don’t get in for another three days, sigh!) whom he hasn’t seen in a couple of weeks, before he leaves.

Errr….you can tell my sighs are more for myself than for them right? I mean, here I am seriously missing my husby (boo hoo); leading my second child off to school and away from home (boo hoo hoo); knowing full well that when my first son does arrive in Canada he is heading right off to Campus since he is already late for classes (boo hoo, sob sob); and… knowing that in another week or so, I will be heading home to the reality of a nest that is now half empty (wailing unapologetically now!). Okay! Sniff sniff….  I hear you remind me that I’m a big strong woman! Sniff sniff…yes I surely am! BUT sis, I have long since failed to make the connection between being a strong woman and being unreal. As I see it, I am stronger still for working out all the things God is helping me be and achieve, and yet being able to remain open about my vulnerabilities, struggles, and tears. I am a strong woman, who right now misses her husband terribly, and I miss my boys – the one with me and the one who isn’t, desperately. I am a strong woman who will have a big cry at every opportune moment because it’s my prerogative, and because I’m hopelessly unashamedly emotional like that!

The difference is that my strength is in Christ alone and I know this. So sis, after each cry I will pick myself up and give God the glory for the amazing things He has done, is doing and will continue to do in my life. I will lift my hands in worship and thank Him also for the gift of my tears. Yes, ma’am, I surely will! I will thank God for my tears because there are many others who have no husbands to speak of, or who have such terrible marriages that they actually look forward to times of separation with their spouses. Yet, here I am missing my husby and best friend. Thank You Lord! I will thank God because it is only a woman with children that knows the pain of separation from them. I will thank God because I am leaving my children in another country to further their education, which means they are moving forward (that’s what ‘further’ means right? Getting ahead? Yes ma’am).

I will thank God for my tears because even if husby and I had the desire for our children to school abroad but had no resources, we wouldn’t be here. I will thank God because we could afford for all the family to come together to see the boys off. I will thank God for my tears because even if we could afford to all come, but one or more of us was dealing with some kind of major health issue or infirmity, we wouldn’t all be here. I will thank God because I still have two amazing children who are home with me now. I will thank God because I know that even when those two are ready to leave home, He will give me the strength and grace to move into the next phase of my life. You get my drift? Bottom line would be that as I cry (and I most certainly will) about leaving my boys here and the transition phase my family is once again going through, I will NOT allow myself forget the goodness of the Lord, His love for me, and the ultimate privilege of His choosing me and freely giving me Himself as an anchor my soul in Him.

But this is not about my missing my children or my crying sprees, sis. Neither is it about my strength as a woman. Sorry, but I just needed to put this first bit out there. Today I want to take the lesson from my son’s experience to share what God has been teaching me and is helping me to practice. My first son is off to university. We completed his visa application and then proceeded to wait. We were however beginning to worry somewhat when the timelines began to stretch a bit and we hadn’t received a word back from the embassy. I kept reminding the Lord of the major visa-related testimonies He had put on my lips two years ago, asking Him to come through for us once again.

On this one day, I felt a leading to send an email to an address God showed me. I was initially reluctant because the embassy always tells you they will not respond if your application is still within the standard processing time. But the Lord spoke clearly to me and said, ‘Send it. I have prepared the person who will give immediate attention to your mail’. With this assurance, I obeyed and less than an hour later got a response, and things began to look up from there. My sista and I had submitted our applications on the same day, and had our boys do their medicals on the same day and at the same hospital (our family hospital at that). You can then imagine our confusion when her son’s passport came in and our son’s didn’t.

Long story short, her son since resumed school with other students last week, while my son is still home waiting on his passport. I mention this because quite frankly, it didn’t help our anxiety having her son’s application timelines as a reference point for how things should have gone for our own son’s application also. I mean think about it: same day (and time practically) submission + same day medical = same processing period = same batch approval, right? Perhaps if we didn’t know better, we wouldn’t know better right? But we did! My sistas son’s approval and receipt of passport was our reference point, and it didn’t help. Can you relate sis? My sista, all my sistas really, were resolute in prayer on this matter and for that I love and appreciate every single one of them, but it was tough going at times – made worse perhaps by not having my family together physically through this.

But…   and this is the foundation of my message to you today sis, the challenge which I now know, is that our reference point should not have been my sista’s son, it should have been God and that which He has purposed to do for His good pleasure and purpose.

A few days after I arrived in Canada, God had given me a Word (Ruth 3 v 18) assuring me that He would not rest until the matter was settled today. That very same day, I got an email confirming that my son’s visa had been approved. Joy overflowed and I sank unto my knees in absolute praise. But, days later the physical passport still hadn’t been dispatched. I went to God again in prayer, reminding Him that He said He wouldn’t rest until the matter was settled and that I needed Him to perfect what he had started. His reply was so quiet and soothing and a question to me as to why I would think His perfect will had not been done. He said simply, ‘My ways are not your ways, and My thoughts are infinitely higher than your thoughts’.

I can’t describe the peace that flooded me then. I really can’t. I understood His response so perfectly, sis. You see, I had since realized that there was clearly a reason or indeed reasons that my ever faithful God didn’t want my son to be on the university campus during the Orientation week, and I had said as much to a few people, my son included. It had ministered to my spirit that there are some associations that come your way each time you enter into a new environment, and if you are not careful you will find yourself aligned with the very wrong set of people from the start. I had such a conviction about the fact that God was keeping my son away from certain people and or experiences that wouldn’t ultimately be good for him, and this was confirmed when a friend told me she had watched a news story about the debauchery that was going on in most university campuses in the name of orientation.  And yeah, it doesn’t follow that every child who is present at the orientation week will involve themselves in those things, but we are each on a different path as are our children, and the enemy’s has different strategies to try to derail us from our destinies.

I was reminded about the fact that - while I am my son’s earthly mother, and while it is in my flesh nature to anxiously expect and pray for the best for him; God Who is his heavenly Father loves him so much more than I ever could, and is also working all things out for his good. God reminded me of something I’d heard Craig Groeschell  say a couple of weeks before we travelled, that ‘The things that are often our afterthoughts, turn out to be God’s Plan A in the first place’.

That expression had struck me very strongly and thinking about the totality of our experiences this period, I realized that while it took me going through my earlier emotional roller-coaster to finally come back to the place of prayer and a Holy Spirit realization/reminder that God is working something else out for the good of my son and by extension our entire family; that God had a plan A from the start which never involved my son arriving on campus at man’s appointed date. God certainly didn’t manufacture a reason for not allowing my son get to campus earlier because He saw through my disappointments and anxieties. Not at all sis! He had already purposed it all, and He had already worked out the end from the beginning for our good – even though we can’t now or might never fully know or understand His ‘Why’ ….since ‘His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are infinitely higher than our thoughts’

In my quiet time with the Lord this morning, He led me to read Psalm 143. This was David – a strong man as well, running to the Lord to admit that the many trials and travails around him were wearing him down, and he was dealing with some sort of depression in the flesh. In the spirit though, he came back to the place of remembering how good God had been to him time and again in the years past. He understood that his victory and restoration were in the place of full submission and worship of God the Father, regardless of what he could see around him that was intent on crushing his soul. And in verse 8 he said ‘….for I lift my inner self to you’.

Wow! As I read this, the Holy Spirit said to me that this is the key! That in our flesh, we might face delays, disappointments, worries, travails that will try to crush our spirits; but… if we lift our inner selves – our true selves, our spirit man, up to God; if we do this sis, then we will always be able to confess ‘Lord, I don’t understand this, but I submit. Lord, I confess that Your ways are not my ways and Your thoughts are not my thoughts; but I believe Your thoughts towards me are good and not evil, and that Your ways are designed to lead me to fullness of joy in You’. We will be able to come to God fully yielded and admit that we have no strength of our own and that He alone is our Source, our Trust and the Anchor to our souls. If we know that God’s Plan A – whether it looks like our plan B or whether it looks like something we find ourselves in because everything else failed, is ultimately the best for our lives; then no matter what the flesh is pushing at us, we will find it in our spirits and in our hearts to say ‘Lord, Your good and perfect will be done’.

Sis, I don’t know what in your life isn’t working out the way you would have thought it should. I don’t know what many efforts you have made and continue to make that seem not to yield the results you were aiming for. I don’t know what it is in your life that looks like it is being delayed sis. I don’t know what has made you cry or what is causing anxieties in your life right now. I don’t know sis, but I want to encourage you with this word and ask that you trust God to show you the good that He is working out of your trials. Even if you can’t see, or if you are so pressed down that you can’t even hear God now sis, can you just lift your inner self up to Him? Can you just go into praise and worship of Him regardless? Can you pray in the spirit for a while to Him? Can you boldly declare that He is working all things out for your good even if you are not sure how? Can you tell Him that your spirit says ‘Yes’ to His will and His way? Can you surrender yourself to whatever His plan A for your life and situation are?

Awww sis, there is so much peace in this place of submission. I make no claims to have apprehended fully sis, but what I do preach is that as you and I walk this walk together, we will encourage, build, hold each other accountable to living the fullness of the lives that our Father has so uniquely designed for us to live. Submit to God’s Plan A today sis. Its way better in the long run than our human plans and desires can ever be. And that’s the truth! The Lord will help you to truly know and remember this truth sis, and He will help me.

Be blessed sis…. for you surely are!