Not like you!

We sat in a group chit-chatting about life in general. It was a lovely evening, a wonderful sense of camaraderie in the air. We were a group of women in alignment of purpose, easing off the strain of a busy academic day and getting to know each other a little better in the process.  This was girl’s time out, and it really didn't matter that the ‘girls’ cut across almost three different generations…. We were all girls and in that time we had each other’s backs. My exact kind of space!

Inadvertently, at some point the issues and vicissitudes of life become topical, different experiences were being shared, opinions began to be heard and an avalanche of well-meaning advice began to flow. One of the ladies sat quietly enough though clearly listening intently, the occasional quiet smile playing across her lips. And of course, you can be sure she had my attention particularly as she’s by no means a quiet person. Curious me, I really needed to hear her thoughts on the subject matter. I won’t go into the entire conversation, but suffice to say that she shared an experience with me and then remarked that she had actually written an article to capture her thoughts around this experience. I asked if she would share and she readily emailed it to me. I was completely blown away as I read. I said to her that she needed to write more often, and then asked if she would mind my featuring her write-up on this forum. Bless her, she was happy to oblige, so today, I share this platform with my Guest Blogger who at this time shall be called ‘Sandra’… about as far away from her real name as I can get, lol. Here goes:

Yesterday was Mothering Sunday. 

The women turned out gaily dressed to celebrate the good fortune of being a wife and a mother. But …….the definition of a woman is ‘A mature adult female’…. not all are wives and for sure not all are mothers. 

I am not like you!

I may not be a wife, indeed I may not be a mother but I’m no less a woman, fiercely and passionately loved by the One who made me. I celebrate my life and His faithfulness to me. 

The message was about a mature woman. She talked about a woman's application of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I was properly impressed as I perhaps I should be.

I am not like you!

I barely get it. I believe in God the Father; I believe in Jesus Christ; I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe He redeemed me unto Himself and He is my God, and I am a child dearly beloved. He is working His love into my heart, guiding me by His Wisdom along the road that I am travelling. I am not like you. But I am a child of faith.  I am confident in my daughtership!

She spoke of her reverence for her husband - her head. She would even kneel for him when he gets back from work and his food and care is her preoccupation. I was well impressed - isn't that as it should be?

But I am not like you.
Our life circumstances are different. I am the one who gets in after he does. I am the one who can barely stand on my feet because I have logged a 13-hour day. I am a helpmate that walks alongside to make a living.  I am grateful for the life I have. I am not like you! Do not offer me the pill that works for you.

Her household only eats home-cooked meals, which she sweats over the cooker to make.  In one sweep, 3 pots of Ogbono, egusi and the third one I cannot remember.

I am not like you.  

My family is fed good wholesome food. Sometimes I make it, sometimes it comes   from the freezer, and sometimes it is bought. They are fed and it is healthy food. I can live with that. My daughter cannot cook egusi or Ogbono even if her life depended on it. But she is confident in the kitchen and turns out the meanest liver & ham that you can imagine. Her sauces make you come back for more. Her chicken & steak can make you bite through your tongue. At 17, she had the run of the kitchen and had been the housekeeper for 2 years. Combine this with straight A grades and honor roll performance. I am not like you, but my life and my meals works for me.

She talked about her exercise regime and being the example of fitness and goodness in her fifties. I was well impressed as I should be.

I am not like you.
I am overweight and do not exercise as much as I would like to. But I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I will eat right and find a routine that will work for me. I love my body as I am and will love me when I firm my butt and my mid riff.

I may be well impressed by your life and your life story….. but it is not my life, not my life story.

Talk to me about who He is and what He is doing and promised to do in my life. Talk to me about God, His Christ and Spirit working in me, for me and through me.

I am not like you.

I am ME……. Much loved, pardoned by grace, loved in mercy!

Sis, I know we all process things very differently, but this speaks to me very deeply from many perspectives.

First of all, it is so important that we know and understand ourselves, the way God has created us to be, the way the unique sets of experiences, circumstances and challenges of life have evolved us to be. Even while we are on a constant quest to become better versions of self, the first step in this journey is - understanding who we are and the things that frame us. That way, we are not working too hard to fit into the mold that other people have or expect us to conform to. Understanding ourselves leads us to self-acceptance, to an ability to be able to look our strengths and weaknesses directly in the face and not be impressed or confounded/intimidated by them. Knowing ourselves is about knowing the God we serve and understanding that He sees, knows, and loves us simply because we are His wonderful creation.

It is important that we understand that there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ formula for any area of life and so we need to stop bench-marking ourselves against others who we think have it going on, and allow ourselves depressurize emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Out top concern should be how we appear in the eyes of God and the only way to truly do this is to ensure we are constantly seeking His face and a closer walk with Him. God’s ways are not man’s ways, and this is not a cliché. It is His Word! Our God is too big to be stereotyped into any particular cast and neither does He expect us to play out any man-engineered stereotypes. He is a God of principles, yes… but we can never ascribe to ourselves any mastery of just how He chooses to play out His principles in our lives, much less in the lives of the next man or woman.

I say all the time that advice is not meant to be taken. Each time I say this, I am met with a questioning stare and I have to explain that the essence of seeking or receiving advice is to help you look inwards, adequately frame the totality of the situation you are facing, and then make your own decision which may or may not then take the direction of any advice received. Ultimately, our play in life should always be a function of us communing with the Holy Spirit and allowing Him be our guide. What this means is that I cannot try to push my views of how you should handle any situation on you, because quite simply…I am not you; I don’t have your circumstances; I am not dealing with the same sets of people you are dealing with; I don’t have the same assignment you have; and the directive I might have received from God even if I had an exact situation as yours, is very likely to be very different from mine…. Because His purpose for your life is different from mine, and the things He might be trying to birth through you in that situation might be very different from the things HE is trying to birth through me.

Sandra’s post also then reminded me that we must not be too quick to form opinions, to assume we know, to judge. We all have our struggles, and if I don’t struggle with what you struggle with, I don’t have the right to color the lenses through which I look at your life by the things I assume I see and know. And you cant give up on me because it seems my issues are bigger or more visible than yours. Oh, but that we would all be required to open our closets at the same time..... who would dare point the first finger? Enough said!

I’m not like you, sis…. And I’m so glad I’m not. How boring an ‘i-robot’ type world would be! Our God is too grand for that, and in the scheme of things His picture is too large, too beautiful and too detailed for us to ever imagine more than a tiny piece of it at a time. You and I are not here just for the period of our lives my friend. No, we are here because our life adds up to a much greater part of the picture than we can imagine. Our every experience is shaping generations that will flow from us, or be touched by us in ways which we will never know. The impact I am created to have is greatly different from the impact you were created to have, generationally so! The challenges I will have to struggle with and grow because of, will build muscles in me that are necessary for something in time that you will never be part of, and vice versa.

If we can agree this, then it’s absolutely wonderful that I am not like you, sis… remarkably brilliant that you are not like me. So how about we cut each other some slack? How about you and I concentrate on that one thing that assuredly we have in common? As Sandra said, “I am me……. Much loved, pardoned by grace, loved in mercy!” and this is who you are too. Let’s be sure we are extending the same love, pardon, grace and mercy all around okay. Our key assignment is to be the Christ that the next person will experience here on earth. If we would be keep this as our constant focus, we will be well-guided and guarded in our thinking, our utterances, and our actions towards others. We will be love, and we will be truly loved. We will live the Gospel and we will ‘BE’ the Gospel. We will be less under pressure ourselves, and we will help others live a life that is less pressured, more fulfilling, and bringing greater glory to God.

I don’t want to fit into the mold that works for you, sis. Neither do I imagine you want me to dictate the mold I think should work for you. Fearfully, wonderfully made is your unique identity, even as it is mine. I don’t want to be your judge and jury, and I don’t want you to be mine. I want to hold your hand on this journey called life, because I know that together we can be more and do more for God. I know that if we allow each other be, and simply commit to supporting each other through our strengths and struggles, we will both come out stronger and more fulfilled for it. Sis, how about you and I recommit today to helping each other and the next person we meet walk in the quiet assurance that they have the freedom to be the person God has uniquely designed them to be. Sound like a plan? Works for me!

As always, the Lord is our Helper sis. He surely is! And as my sista-sista Bidemi always says, ‘We will make it, nevertheless!’

Be blessed sis…… for you surely are!

The 'R' Mandate

Oh wow! Has it been five weeks already? Hmm!

I guess I really shouldn't be surprised now, should I? I remember that it's been about three weeks since I had started to write a post which I'd simply titled ‘No!’, and essentially it was going to deal with how I was deliberately refusing to allow the weight of responsibilities I was contending with bring me down. And then….the weight of responsibilities didn't make room for me to finish that write-up, lol. Over the past weeks since then, I have been constantly in the air it seems, zooming across Africa, Europe, America and Canada. In that space, I can promise you that while I regulalry thought about sharing one thing or the other with you on this forum, neither my mind nor body was ready to cooperate with me. I was, and quite frankly still am…super tired!

So why am I here today, tired self and all? Well, two days ago I was counseling my first two sons on some life issues, and at a point I realized that the Lord was actually ministering to me through myself. When we were done, I went into my son’s study and wrote on a notepad, ‘I will remain resilient and relentless regarding the things God has resourced me to release to the world’.  As I penned what the Lord released into my spirit, I laughed out aloud in realization of how many words in that expression began with the letter ‘R’. It kinda reminded me about some of my favorite preachers – Steven Furtick, Robert Morris and Jentzen Franklin who are all really gifted at creating very deep messages out of words that all start with the same alphabet. I didn't laugh for very long though, because while this statement was an expression of my spirit and heartfelt desire, it was also an indictment of sorts from the Lord….. a question, if you will, as to how diligently I have been pressing on with His particular and very specific assignments for me. Hmm!

Looking out of the window of my hotel room at the absolutely gorgeous view of the Barcelona shoreline, I found myself watching the waves very intently and then being reminded by them about the little note I had written up in Canada a couple of days ago. Ah, but the waves ministered to me, sis. Oh, but they surely ministered to me! God has His way of getting our attention through different means, that for sure. I will come back to share with you just what I received as revelation about the connection between the waves on the seashore, and the expression that I have now chosen to title ‘The R Mandate’ for my life. For now, let me try to break it down the way I hear it, okay.

‘I will remain…’

Remain: Synonyms – Continue, Endure, Persist, Keep on!    

Remaining is one of the keys to fulfilling the assignments on our lives. Life always comes with its full packet of pressures doesn't it? And pressure doesn't always imply something bad. Pressure comes from the good too. Pressure can very often be as a result of progressive things, of new responsibilities based on new levels, as a result of tangible growth and good. Good or bad though, pressure is pressure, and if allowed unchecked, pressure can detract and it can ultimately derail. Having clarity about the deliverable's for your life, as God unfolds them to you at every stage, is an imperative for living a purposeful and fulfilled life. Having clarity about your deliverable's is a sure step in bringing and keeping you in alignment with God’s will for your life. Having clarity about God’s assignments for you, and having a heart that desperately longs to please Him, will help you remain, continue, endure, persist, keep on keeping on, no matter how the pressures of life try to pull you away.

Remaining keeps you coming back! And my sis, coming back is one of those things that put a smile on God’s heart. He runs towards His ‘prodigals’ remember? You and I have to commit to remain sis. It is a non-negotiable! You and I have to commit to remain in the Lord, and to remain in the assignments He considers us worthy to deliver on for His purpose and glory.

‘I will remain resilient ……’

Resilient: Synonyms – Tough, Spirited, Strong, Irrepressible, Buoyant, Resistant!

Sis, there is a reason why the Lord told us to put on the whole armor of God; why we are told clearly that we are not wrestling against flesh and blood. There is a fight going on sis, and guess who the major players in the battle are? Yup! You guessed right ma’am! And you know who the winner is right? Right? The devil continues to press and push, fight and attack, but the position you and I need to adopt is one of resilience. Those who know their God are strong and do exploits! In the face of the many lies of the enemy, in the face of his many distractions, in the face of the many shenanigans he tries to use to move us away from seeing clearly and maintaining the right perspectives of who we are in Christ, and what the Word of God assures us we are able to do; sis, in the face of doing 'life', we must remain tough, irrepressible, spirited, and resistant if we are to make it in a way that glorifies the Father. 

I love the synonym ‘buoyant’ because it reminds me of swimmers floating on their backs. And you know sis, sometimes when life tries to sink us, all you and I need to do even in the deepest of waters, is turn our faces and hearts upwards towards heaven, breathe in the comfort and assurance of the Holy Spirit, and simply float in God’s rest until He who is able, steers us firmly once again to dry ground.

‘I will remain resilient and relentless………’

Relentless: Synonyms: Persistent, Insistent, Unrelenting, Unyielding!

Relentless is in itself a commitment. It is showing up time and again; it is retracing your steps, no matter how far out you deviated; it is choosing to come back and start again if need be; it is staying the course. Sis, do you see the thread between the words remain, resilient and relentless so far? We have to be unyielding against the walls that try to close us in, against the weights that try to press us down. We have to be insistent on delivering purpose! We have to be unrelenting in our determination to do the things that God expects of us, the things He has revealed to us. We have to be and remain relentless if we are to fulfill God’s call on us to be a blessing, to be people by whom generations of others will be blessed and will bless themselves. We can’t give up, sis! No we can’t!

I can tell you that personally there have been many things that positioned themselves this year especially, to make it more attractive and convenient for me to give up on clear instructions adn assignments I have from God for 2015. Some of the things that tried to hold me back seemed pretty logical, but God's word and ways have a great tendency to defy the logic of man and this I well know. So honestly, even as I confess that I indulged this 'logic' for a bit, I have ultimately also refused to stay down! I have pushed back and I am back, and by the grace of God I will deliver! I have been on this word ‘Relentless’ for a while as UniquelyWoman and everyone who faithfully follows my posts can attest to this. Sometimes when I’m pressed down, I might find myself bowing a bit…but I will not stay down! I will not bend and I certainly will not break! Oh No! I have intentionally chosen to be relentless and I will keep coming back! By His grace, I will die empty, sis! I will deliver on my assignments and I will fulfill every purpose for which I was sent to the earth. By His grace, and as you remain insistent, so will you in Jesus name, amen.

‘I will remain resilient and relentless regarding the things God has resourced me……’

Resourced: Synonyms – Having Possessions/Assets/Means, Having Supply/a Source/Store!

This is exactly it, sis! We are born for purpose, and as we received God’s breath of life, we received an infilling of His gifts and abilities. As we came into relationship with Jesus Christ, we received the Holy Spirit and a divine enablement to know and to do exploits, to discern, to understand, to speak and shape, to shift, define and refine our world. God does not give us any assignment for which He has not already graced and resourced us to fulfill. The challenge is that we are usually looking at what we have or don’t have, when the call is for us to keep our eyes and trust steadfastly fixed on the Lord Who is more than able to bring to pass the things which He has purposed. If He gives us an assignment, He will also provide the wisdom, insight and resources – men, materials or money, with which we will fulfill it.

We are already resourced sis, and if we know and truly believe this, then it is easier to remain, to be resilient, and to be relentless. Ultimately, it boils down to where our confidence lies, and in whom or what? I KNOW in WHOM I have and DO believe sis, as should you! We might not always see Him at work the way we desire or in the timing we desire, we might not always understand the way He does His things; but if we are unwavering in our belief and trust that He works all things out for our good, then we can take that next step even when it looks like it makes no sense. It is because I know Who sent me and Who has resourced me that I can come back to my page after five weeks, regardless of the enemy trying to convince me to lay the assignment of this blog to rest…knowing full well that this is His assignment and I am passionate about fulfilling it. Sis, you can come back to every dream you once held on to which the enemy is trying to convince you is dead… because if God called you to it, He has resourced you to deliver on it, and surely there is purpose behind your staying true to the assignment!

‘I will remain resilient and relentless regarding the things God has resourced me to release….’

Release: Synonyms: Discharge, Announcement, Proclamation, Relief, Freedom!

Sis, the creation mandate for man is that we be fruitful and multiply, replenish the earth and have dominion over it. The Amplified Bible explains the word ‘Dominion’ as a call for us to use all of God’s resources to bless man and the earth. Ultimately, this is what our lives are about, isn't it? We have a call to use all that God has resourced us with – not for our own benefits, but rather to release to the world so that God’s children might be blessed, and that He might take all the glory. We are not called to be reservoirs of God’s abundance remember? We are called to be channels of His overflow, mediums through which others will experience His love and goodness on the earth. If we recognize that our lives are designed to bring a release of God’s abundance and grace upon the earth, then we will never give up, regardless! If we recognize that in walking out our assignments, we announce God’s love and proclaim Him afresh daily as Lord of all, then we will remain, we will be resilient, we will be relentless. And sis, as we keep our focus on Him, we will release blessings on the earth. The result of this release? Relief! Freedom! The fulfillment of knowing we stayed the course and that our lives are truly pleasing to God. How awesome is that?

So what was it about the waves on the seashore? They know their purpose! They understand their boundaries, but they are not limited by them. When they need to, they crash forward with intensity, propelling with all their might against the rippling undercurrents that pulled them back from the shores in the first place. When things are calm, they ripple along nonetheless, quietly and in soothing form that makes clear that they understand the season. When things are turbulent, they get even more so turbulent. Nothing holds them back from the shore. No matter how far out the tide goes, it always comes back. The waves are on the move twenty-four hours a day, for every day of every year. They remain! They are resilient! They are relentless! They are resourced! The same gentle waves we see on quiet waters have incredible strength which they deploy when needed. Ultimately, they are subject to the creator! They are fulfilling His creation assignment for the separation of land from sea. They are staying true to their mandate, rolling with the ebbs and flows of their seasons, but not deviating from purpose.  

This is what God expects of you and I, sis. What this means is that no excuse is tenable enough! What this means is that no matter how ‘real’ it may seem, no reason is valid enough for not getting up and trying again, for not staying the course. Sis, all my heart desires is that in the end I not only see the face of the Lord, but that I will hear Him say ‘Well done my daughter’, and that I will dwell in His presence for eternity fully confident that I delivered on all that He would have me do on this side of the divide. I believe this is your hearts cry too, right? Think about this again sis: ‘I will remain resilient and relentless regarding the things God has resourced me to release to the world’. Let me encourage to once again look over your life and determine to pick up those things which you have since dropped, but which you know the Lord requires for you to deliver. Pick up your dreams again, and trust that He who put them in your heart will again help you fulfill the purpose for which He gave you that/those dream(s) in the first place.

Chase hard after your R-mandate sis! I’m surely chasing after mine. What a joy it will be to be able to exhale fully at our last breathe, in an assurance that we lived a truly purposeful and fulfilled life. The Lord will help you sis, as surely as He is also helping me.

Be blessed sis…. for you surely are!